u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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