who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
