well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
