Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
