Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
