Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
