the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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