Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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