It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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