I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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