I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
