i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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