They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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