Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
