He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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