Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
