i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
