i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Come see our sink grown plant.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
