When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
