i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
