You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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