It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
