I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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