My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
