I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
