The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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