wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
