I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
