Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
