can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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