I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
