my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
