I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
