i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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