can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
