And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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