I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
