I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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