i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
