My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You may now shotgun with the bride
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
