Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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