I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
