i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
