Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
