not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
