I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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