Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
