Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
