and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
