Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My dick has a subreddit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
