I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
