omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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