remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
ok first of all what the fuck
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
